Sunday, September 23, 2012

Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)

You were moody, semi-psychotic, a racist asshole, and a pussy.  I was a junior in high school.  You were a sophomore.  When I broke up with you, I swore I hated you.  Not enough to be mean to you, but enough that I thought I was insane for ever even considering you a boyfriend.  And I did a good job at hating you for the rest of high school, but then I graduated and went away to college.  We started talking again, I even consider you one of my best friends.  Yet I can't shake that feeling that I miss you.  That I just want to run up to you and kiss you so hard and passionate, like we never did when we were dating.  Maybe I am caught up with the romanticism of all the TV i have been watching, maybe I am just desperate and wishing for someone to feel connected to.  All I know is that these days I think about you a lot.  I look forward to our conversations every night.  Even though lately you have been talking about another girl, I still just love the feeling of being there for you.  The way you like talking to me, and I like talking to you.  It brings back feelings.  Feelings of jealousy.  And I finally have started looking back at the positives of our past.  How similar we are.  I have these stupid fantasies that we can be together.  It's like a situation you would only see in movies.  We have a physical relationship that no one knows about.  It's almost your typical "friends with benefits" situation, except I don't have to take it as far as sex.  I just want someone to care about me and be honest with me.  We have fun together and tell each other everything.  We give each other tips and such and instead of you being moody, we have to talk about it and make things better so you don't get in the kind of funk that you do.  But in reality you asked her to homecoming today.  I shouldn't be upset.  It's not like I would be going.  But I already really don't like that girl.  Just another reason not to.  I wish all of the best to you and I am glad you have found someone.  But all I hope is that someday soon I can finally find a guy that I feel for and can return the feelings.